Holes and pain

This week has been very painful for everyone in the family. Both DD and DS have admitted to “holes” in their hearts from our gone family member. Every time DS goes out to do anything in the back yard, he stops by the marker that DD put next to the grave. It’s sad to watch and yet I can say nothing as they both need to heal. Tonight DD blew up over something totally unrelated, but at the heart of it all was her “hole” because her kitten is no longer here. Something tells me that we may get a kitten and puppy much sooner than Spring Break as I’m not sure we can stand the loneliness her passing leaves.

DH misses her greeting him at the door and begging food at the table. I miss having to maneuver around her and her jumping up on my chair. Today when I did laundry, I missed her curiosity that would insist on jumping up on the dryer to watch what I was doing. It felt weird to not have to wait a bit between loads so she could come in and eat, drink, or go potty. She always hated to do any of that when the dryer was running. The laundry room feels empty without her food dish and litter box. I still find myself opening the door only part way because we’ve done it so long.

When I went to open the sheer on the back door, I thought of Blackie because she always liked it open in the morning so she could watch the birds. I also used to have to watch that she didn’t slip into the bedroom where DH was sleeping during the day and it feels weird not to have to. We all miss her dreadfully and as DD says, “I’m trying to be strong, but it’s really hard.” I forsee more tears in our future, but I also forsee more pets. Blackie won’t ever be forgotten, but she will be remembered for all the joy she brought us.


About susanssnippets

I wear multiple hats: wife of 25+ years, mother to DD22 and DS17, daughter/daughter-in-law, crafter, home engineer and too many others to list.
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